oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
