there's paper in my vomit.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
