I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
