Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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