Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
