He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
