it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
