if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
