You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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