why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
