i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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