The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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