I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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