i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
