There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
