jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize