She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
