You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
