Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
