I faked an abortion last night.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
