am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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