You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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