I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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