...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize