If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
