yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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