She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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