I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
