Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
