she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
