I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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