I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
