I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
