To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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