I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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