That's intense
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
