You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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