I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
