You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
