Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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