The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
