thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
