For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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