Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
