i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
