so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
