Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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