My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
