u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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