how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
