I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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