I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
