You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
