i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
