direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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