I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
