I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize