Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
