I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
