When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
