Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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