Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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