The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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