glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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