Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize