Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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