Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
