my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
