I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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