my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
