He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
