you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
