Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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