meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
