I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize